DJ Twain's Thoughts

Shortened Days

Sep. 26th, 2009 at 1:51 AM

I'm so very ...... I dunno..... lost.
Since I last posted, life has fallen off a cliff.
I've had troubles outside with strangers haunting my yard at the latest of hours.
What few abilities I had left, are now gone.
I don't know if it's the weather change, or something worse. All I know for sure is that I feel like hell, every hour, of every day.
There is pain, fatigue, loneliness, depression. And it just never ends. Especially the pain. Even with the pain killers, it's STILL there.

I've been working on my WCW collection. I'm still collecting whatever WCW shows I can find. I'm up to 213 Nitros. I also have all The WCW PPV's from September 1995-March 2001, The End of the company. So at least I have something to watch. I've got a complete run of Nitros-PPV's from the 1st Nitro up until January 1999. That's 177 weeks. I've passed over WCW Saturday Night, just can't stomach that show, even still to this day. I am interested in Thunder, but so far I've only tracked down 15 episodes, although I know I can find more. It's just that the show was so bad it's not high on my priority list.

The pain I'm in is just un-describable. Seriously. It's just that bad. My arms, my legs, even my fingers, it all hurts.
The doctor gave me something to help me sleep, but it hasn't worked. When I do sleep I have HORRIBLE dreams. I feel like I never get a proper rest.

At least I got my upstairs ready before my health took a turn for the worse. My 2nd floor is now my world. I don't even use the lower section of the house anymore. I simply stay up here, always. My computer is here, my TV, my bed, bathroom. My world is about 15 feet square. I never leave it anymore, ever.

I've been working on encodes of X Minus 1. Getting them ready for my MP3PRO stream on Live365. I've got about half of the series done. X Minus 1 in stereo. It sounds really good.

Otherwise, life is solitary, alone, dull, and sad.

Blue

Aug. 24th, 2009 at 3:05 AM

Update

Aug. 7th, 2009 at 7:30 PM

Hi Everyone,

It's been a while since I last put words to thought. Or is it thought to words. I'm not even sure. It's been an awful time in the interm so my thoughts aren't what they should be anyway. Just a lot of pain, pain-killers, and a few trips down the stairs the hard way.

Anyway, I've been doing my best on getting the streams updated on a regular basis. It hasn't been easy, even with the streamlined process I've managed to create. But I'm doing my best.

I can't do any more than I'm doing right now. Actually, I've had to cut back A LOT on the things I use to do.
I've had to BEG my mother to help me care for my house. The falls down the stairs have really put a stress on the fracture on my back and walking is VERY difficult once again. I'm supposed to go to the doctors on Tuesday, I'm being FORCED to go. No go, no pain killers, simple as that. It's been to long since my last visit, the doctor hasn't gotten paid for an office visit, so he's making me come so he can talk to me for 2 minutes, get paid $100, and get his cut out of my misery.

I've also had to cut out a LOT of the stuff I use to do to keep busy. Working on my Lawrence Welk collection has come to a stand still. Basically, anything that doesn't involve sitting in this chair that I'm sitting in now is something that's difficult to do. The pain is just unreal.

One week I didn't do anything but watch One Step Beyond. The next, Dragnet. This week it's MST3K. Thank goodness for all the back-up work I was able to do while I was still somewhat healthy. So now I have a lot of material available at the click of a mouse, without having to track back and forth up and down the stairs, risking another fall . Still, sitting here watching stuff day after day royally sucks. It gets boring so fast.

One of these days I intend to put down my thoughts about why I left The IA. But I don't think now is the time.
All I'll say is that it seems like the inmates are running the asylum and I didn't want to be a part of it when it blew up in there faces.
So I took all the content I downloaded off the service, deleted my admin account from the servers, and said hasta la vista. I haven't been back since. I don't miss it at all. Perhaps one of these days I'll go into details. But not now. I've got to much else on my head, I don't need to worry about all that crap anymore. That's why I left.

Serials at The Internet Archive

Aug. 5th, 2009 at 3:35 AM

Part II.V

Jul. 18th, 2009 at 3:21 AM

I hate this white background for Live Journal.
It's so hard to look at and write.

Anyway.

I knew summer was going to be difficult.
I was right. Correct. My fore-knowledge was accurate.
Summer has been a hellish nightmare, devoid of even the possibility of waking up.

The constant, CONSTANT change in temperature is making the fibro absolutely unmanageable.

The pain is through the roof. Even the V isn't helping anymore. The pain is always there. In my arms. In my legs. Even in my fingers.
Right after waking up I can't even type because my fingers are to stiff to move. Right now, I've had 2 V in the last 6 hours and that's only letting my stay conscious without screaming. This summer is without end, or at least it seems right now. Winter, please come soon.

I've tried Yahoo chat as a diversion. But it hasn't proven to be much of one. For the most part, clicking the bots PM's off my screen is about as fun as it gets. It's like living in a world run by Dogbert. It just sucks.

Stories

Jul. 14th, 2009 at 3:49 AM

I am so utterly without thought at this moment.
I've been sitting here for the last few hours trying to think of something to keep me busy.
Something that I could do without the possibility of screwing it up and having to fix the problem.
I decided I would watch some He-Man.
Naturally, the disc I chose to watch had a crack in it. I hate DVD's. At least, from what I can tell only one episode was affected. I was able to find that episode online, but the evening ended up being what I so wanted to avoid. Solving a problem.

I really don't have energy for this anymore.
I'd really sad how little energy I have. All the things I use to do, I can't do anymore.
Pretty much anything involving heavy lifting, using my hands, or my eyes, I can't do well anymore.
Anything that involves intense concentration, forget about it. The brain damage is just to severe for that. It actually hurts to think hard. If I try I just feel my head tightening and a migrane forming. That's why I wanted something to do tonight which wouldn't result in me having to do something because of it. It wasn't meant to be.

I went outside tonight around midnight to take Misty walkies. Naturally, something happened.
I looked up, and there was a rainbow of light in the shape of a long pin. I don't know why. I don't know where it came from. I don't know what it was doing there. It only lasted a second. But it was there.

Then when I took her out around 2am something else happened. I really wish the Vet didn't put her on this new food. She has to go out far to often. The more she has to go out, the more upset I get when I see this crap. Anyway, I took her out, and I could have SWORN I saw a man staring at me from inside some bushes. Well, the way I saw him, where he was standing, the bushes weren't there, and he was. Almost as if I was seeing him as he saw himself, at a time when the bushes weren't there. I saw him wearing a cow-boy type hat. And he was staring at me. I just said to myself this is not happening, not tonight, and walked away. I really don't have the energy for this crap. So two things happened tonight. That's odd. Usually I get 3 things a year. I've already had 4 things in the last week. Ever since they put that damned pool in activity has increased. I hate that pool. I hate the kids who scream all day in the pool. I hate the near naked people who have no modesty and walk around half naked around the pool. And I definetally hate that they put the pool right next to the haunted woods. If only for the fact that it's right next to my home too. Grrrrrrrr.

I didn't take any photos today. Arthritis has made that impossible. Plus, I really don't think there is a point to it. Unless I get a better camera, I've already taken photos of all there is to see, so no point in taking them again. I could go deeper into the woods, see what is in there, but that's a hell of a climb, and I don't want to risk it. If I fall I'm on my own. I've already got a fractured spine, and the last thing I need right now is to risk it anymore than I have. So, no more photos for a while.

But there is a story, lol. What there is of it. I think it took place last winter.

It was cold, very, very cold. The air temp was 0, but the wind chill had it 20 below. Misty needed out, so I took her. The ground was a solid sheet of ice. Temps like that, how would it not be? It had been that cold for several days, maybe even weeks, I don't remember. I took her out to her usual spot to do her business. or usual area, anyway. It was around midnight, very dark. If I remember right, there wasn't even a moon out. Just me, my porch light, and the dog. Anyway, to make a long story short, I walked on the ice as best I could, trying not to slip. When all of a sudden I found one of my feet, I think it was my left, had entered the ice. I don't mean broken through or anything like that. The ice hadn't even cracked. What I mean is that my foot actually had entered the ice like the ice was water. I felt it sink into the ice. But my other foot was still standing on the ice, right next to it. My food had actually ....... I don't know the right words for it, but it had melted into the ice, and the ice froze around it instantly! So my foot was stuck a few inches in the ice, and I pulled it out. When I look, a perfect imprint of my shoe was right in front of me, in the solid ice. You could have poured plaster into it right then and made a perfect cast of my shoe. It was just a truly bizarre event, and I can't even try to explain it. I walked out the next day to look at the imprint in the daylight, and it was perfect. It was still there, and there was only the one imprint. The ice was still solid everywhere around it. Neither me, nor my dog, nor my neighbors had made any other imprints. I can't explain it, I'm not even going to try.

Smile

Jul. 13th, 2009 at 3:52 AM

Trapped in The Red Room

Jul. 13th, 2009 at 1:58 AM

I took another walk through the woods today. I have a feeling this will be my final walk through this area for a while.
The terrain is just to much for me to take in my current state.
I entered into the woods through the same opening I used yesterday. Crawled down the bank. The walked along the dried up river bed. I figured that since this part of the woods was mostly clear, I'd not have as hard a time walking through the woods as I normally do. I was wrong. The river-bed was filled with rocks. The area directly over where the waters use to run was just as heavily forested as the other areas. All I got for my supposed ingenuity was a long walk back up the bank when I finished my photo taking.

Anyway, today's photos turned out much better than yesterdays. I was on solid ground for the most part, and was able to steady the camera for some good snap-shots. It's a shame that I can't go into the woods at night and take photos when there could be some super-natural activity, but .......

1) There are animals in these woods, and they are not that kind to intruders.
2) I have a hard enough time walking through them in the day-light. Even with a flash light, there is no way I could safely manage the slopes and littered ground.
3) I don't have a camera with a flash on it. So no pictures would even be possible if something did occur.
4) These woods are haunted! If something did happen, I'd risk losing an eye from a branch as I ran away screaming.

You can see how heavily forested these woods are.

More trees, more branches, making my walk one of great care and effort.

The sun shines down through an open spot in the trees.

I approach the circle of tree's again.

The circle of trees, up close, and the area behind them.

The river-bed, and some logs thrown over it to cross when it was still here.

You can't see it, but just past the vision of this picture is a little bit of water. All that's left of the water.

more vegitation.

Well, there I am, standing in front of the circle of trees.

Another Visit Into The Trees

Jul. 12th, 2009 at 2:29 AM

I ventured back into the haunted woods again today.

Or, I should say, I tried to venture into the haunted woods again today.

It turns out my entry point wasn't the wisest choice I could have made.

I got a few good photographs out of it, but it wasn't worth it. Most were so out of focus that it's hard to tell what they are pictures of.

The ground I traveled on in my brief excursion into the woods was filled with dead branches, over-growth, and one hill after another.
It was incredibly difficult to keep my balance, or even to walk. So, I can safely say that nobody could ever find it possible to run in these woods. It's hard enough to stand, or walk, much less make any great speed. It's very unlikely that all the times I've heard something in these woods at night, that it could have been human. It's impossible to walk through these tree's in the light. It would be impossible to navigate through them in the dark. There is just no way.

After my post last night, I went outside for a smoke. It was about 3:30am. I heard the most dreadful noise coming from inside the woods. Naturally I didn't try to figure out what it was. I'd never heard anything like it though. Never, not in all my life. I've lived in this area a long time, and you'd think I'd at least have heard something like it at some point, but never. I went inside, locked my doors, and went to bed, trying hard to put it out of my thoughts as long as I could.

About the only good that can come from living close to a haunted location is that you can get pictures somewhat easily. When you are home-bound, walk with a cane, and can't do hills very well, pictures are hard to get. But I do my best. Anyway, I'm wondering if whatever is in those trees doesn't like me taking photos? I don't know. But last night was strange, for sure.

Two pictures, showing the brook, where it flowed to, and where it was.

The dense trees, it's like this, everywhere in the woods.

The river-bed, what's left of it. And a lot of rocks. Who knows where they came from. Also, where the river flows to. A drainage ditch.

Another shot of where the riverbed use to be, and how dense the trees are above.

Trees, green, brown, at times you can't see a food in front of you in the light. It's to dense.

Looking up.

Through The Trees

Jul. 11th, 2009 at 2:35 AM

Today I ventured into the woods I described last night, and took some photos in the daylight.
As you will see, it's virtually impossible to walk around easily in these woods. I had trouble just standing up straight.
A few things I did notice is that the brook had totally dried up. It hasn't rained much lately, so that shouldn't have been a surprise. But I found I could walk right through the woods to the property next door, just like in winter. So it gave me the opportunity to get a few shots I normally wouldn't have been able to get this time of year.

Above : The denseness of the woods.

Above : The dry river-bed, and the entrance I used to get into the woods.

Above : Looking up, and some fallen tree's.

Also, I came across something totally unexpected. In fact, it was so bizarre that I just stood there for a few moments, staring at it. In a way, it explains the unusual occurrances I've experienced in those woods. Not with any real answers. Only it's existence offers some clue as to why the woods might be haunted. I don't really know though. It's just a grouping of trees it a complete circle. They are old, tall, and have to have been there since my home was built, at least. I was stunned at how closely they resembled the formation of tree's in the series finale of Twin Peaks. Just a circle of trees in the woods, where there should be no such thing, but there they are. I even got a few photos of them. It's just really, really bizarre. Just another unanswered question in the mysteries that surround these old woods, or, what's left of them, anyway.

Above : Glastonberry Grove?

It's really a shame that so many people use this area as there own personal dumping ground. There is tons of litter scattered from decades of mis-use. There's not much that can be done about that. But, as you can see, it would be very difficult for anyone to navigate there way around these woods in the dark. It would be impossible. There are sudden drop-offs that are hard enough to see in the light, much less in the dark. There are fallen tree's everywhere. There's garbage galore. Not to mention the small circle of tree's that would act as a hidden wall to anyone walking around the woods at night. Basically, it would be impossible for anyone to get through these woods easily at night, and with speed.

One night, I think it was last year, or the year before, I was outside walking my dog, it was around midnight. I saw a big ball of light floating through the trees. It was late fall so there weren't any leaves blocking the way, so I could see it clearly. It flew from one end of the woods to the other in less than a second. Then it flew back . When I would approach it, it would dash off to the other end of the woods. When I'd turn to go home, it would return to the area closer to me. This was a solid ball of light. There were no contrails, nothing to suggest that it was a flash light or head-lights. It was just a ball that radiated it's own light, and flew at impossible speeds through dense forest without crashing into anything. I can't explain it. There's no way it was a bird with a flashlight around it's neck. It couldn't have been a man-made light, because the light trail would have shown across the tree's too. There was no trail. Just a ball of light that flew. Eventually I got tired of its game and went back inside. Time has passed but I'm still no closer to an explanation than I was the night it happened.

I'll See You In The Trees

Jul. 10th, 2009 at 3:10 AM

Sometimes I really dis-like where I live.
It's not often, but every so often, something happens that makes me stop and think.
It's not the house itself. It's not the area. Although, a lot can be said by the high crime rate and the less than stellar police presence that exists here. No, it's something else.
You'd have to see the area to understand. See the lay-out of the land. The geography.

Basically, all the woods that remain from what was once a huge forest and landscape are in a tiny sliver of land that separates my side of the property from the neighbors. It's a curved meadow of trees that rounds the property line. It's not very thick. There is a small brook that runs in the middle, which is probably why the trees still exist. No human in there right mind would go in there. It's dense, it's dark, no light can penatrate it, and if you make one false step you'll fall down a hill and straight into the water. It's this area that makes living here so unbearable at times.

I could probably count the number of odd things that have happened in this area in the 11 years that I've lived around here. That is, if I tried. Things so bizarre that they couldn't have possibly have occurred, but I know they did. Tonight another one got added to the list.

In all fairness, events occur so seldom that I should be able to brush them off. But......they are just so odd that it's hard to forget about them. I guess that's what bothers me so much about them.

Tonight, I took my dog out for a walk around 3:00am. Not a walk, just a quick in and out so she could do her business. But when we got outside, the second we got out there, I could sense SOMETHING in the woods. Normally I'd say it was an animal. But because of all the strange things I've seen/heard/experienced around those trees in the past, I can't think that anymore. Whatever was out there tonight, was either the largest animal since Bigfoot, or something else entirely. I could hear it's footsteps cracking the branches as it walked. No animal can make that sound. I've heard deer in those woods plenty of times, and I'm familiar with the sounds a deer makes when it walks. There are no animals in those woods larger than deer, and what I heard walking was BIG. It even shaked the branches as it walked. Branches 10 feet off the ground! I don't know how such a thing is possible, but it did. I got back to my home quickly, locked the door, and said a prayer.

You'd really have to see the entire layout of the woods to understand what it's like in there. All I can say as a description of it is that it's a whole lot of trees covering a hill, then a brook, then another hill and more trees. It's not large, in winter you can see through them to the other property. But in the summertime the growth is so dense that's not possible.

As I've said, other things have happened in those woods. I won't get into that tonight. But those stories make tonights seem like nothing. Those were SO BIZARRE, so out of this world, that nobody would believe me if I told them. They are just really, really, really strange. Perhaps one day I'll tell them. But not tonight.

The Princess

Jul. 8th, 2009 at 2:57 AM

For some reason I just think she is adorable!

Live Long and Prosper (As long as you aren't being stalked)

Jul. 7th, 2009 at 10:20 PM

I just found www.Spock.com.
All I can say is ......

S C A R Y

I don't know whose idea that was. I don't care why they did it. But seriously, that is frightening.
All you have to do is type someones name in, and boom, there they are. That is frightening. Very much so.

Otherwise.......

I got some house cleaning tonight.
Then I found out one of the cat's pee'd on a comforter so I'm doing laundry all night.
So it's just not my day. Then again, it never is.

Took my meds, so hopefully all pain will stop for a while soon. Or at least subside. I'm so tired of simply twitching the wrong way and all of a sudden, boom, muscle spasm and my arm or leg goes dead. It just sucks.

I'm not feeling to philosophical right now. So I'm not typing to much. Just thought I'd pass on the word about Spock.

Part II

Jul. 7th, 2009 at 3:00 AM

I don't know why I'm writing in this.
Especially not tonight.
Perhaps it's because I have nothing better to do.
I read every night for the last week. I can't do that anymore.
I've watched TV or TV shows or movies every day for the last three years. I'm sick of doing that. I can't do that anymore.
I hooked up my SNES, but my eyes are to weak to see the TV screen right now. So I can't play that, not right now.

I was in Yahoo chat, still am, I think. But it's just like Sodom or Gomorah. It's just the dredges of humanity. Totally revolting. I may be lonely but I won't allow that kind of filth into my home. Not if I have a choice.

I thought about putting an ad in the Live365 player windows of my streams. ISO a friend. But I thought better of it. The people who listen to my streams have there own problems. They don't need mine. Especially on a night when I'm in the middle of a huge battle with depression. So, it's just me here. Right now I feel like Laura Palmer, the night before she died, on the back of James bike, jumping off in the middle of the road at Sparkwood and 21. She's half Laura, half someone else, and that part that isn't Laura can see what's really in the woods. It's somewhat ironic that I have my own woods. But that's beside the point. One minute she's herself, the other what her life has made her. That's what I feel like tonight. That's what I feel like, and often.

Today I got nothing accomplished. Nothing. Not a single thing. All I did was sit at this computer, stare at the monitor, and search for something. I don't even know what I'm searching for, or what I'm supposed to be using to find it. All I can feel is that I'm looking for something and I'm farther away from it than I've ever been. Almost like I'm beginning a journey to search for some rare artifact. The entire world is before me. What I'm searching for could be anywhere. I set off in search of it, not realizing that as I stand there, what I was looking for was right behind me.

I just wish I could get out of this chair. It would be so nice to be able to get up, go for a walk in the night air, and see the stars. But that's not possible, not anymore.

I'm stuck in this room, confined by these walls, an effort has to be made just to get down-stairs to the kitchen.

I had dinner tonight. Had, as in past tense. It stayed in me all of 40 minutes. If that. I haven't had an appetite since. My body isn't accepting food the way it use to. It doesn't matter what I eat. I can eat something one day. It will be fine. The next day I'll eat the same thing, and my body will reject it totally. After an hour in the bathroom I come out exhausted. It's just no fun being me right now. But then again, when was it ever?

One Step Beyond : Season One

Jul. 6th, 2009 at 6:36 PM

One Step Beyond : Season One
Release Date : September 15th, 2009

Finally, this series is getting an official release.
It's been one of my favorite series for a long time, and I'm glad to see this happen.
With the only source for the series being public domain episodes, it will be interesting to see what kind of restoration they've put into the classic B&W classics. Time will tell. Until then, all we have are the versions that have been floating around for the last few decades.

Many of the public domain episodes are available are at The Internet Archive.
Give the series a try, and see if you wanna buy (the series when it gets it's official release!)

Part I

Jun. 23rd, 2009 at 11:20 PM

The last few weeks of my life have been a nightmare.

I knew it would be this way, I was somewhat prepared for it, but once it hits, it's always to much to bear.

The summer months are always difficult for me. The fibro I live with is a constant reminder of how far I've fallen from my youth. The summer heat and humidity make the fibro worse, and thus, make the reminder worse as well.

The how and why aren't important anymore. I've told that story time, and again. I don't need to tell it again. Not for me, at least, and certainly not for anyone who might read this. The past is the past, it's where it is, and I intend to leave it there.

The present is another matter.
The present is hell on Earth.

From top to bottom, from head to toe, I'm in pain. A lot of pain.
In the winter, the pain is kept in check. The cold weather, the snow, the lack of humidity make it so I can live ALMOST a normal life.
In the summer, the heat, the humidity aggrivate the fibro so I can barely walk, I have no strength, and things as simple as typing, flossing my teeth, or washing my hair, or even standing up for a few minutes at a time are impossible.

The last few weeks, I've done nothing but stay in bed, or at my computer, reading, watching, working on KIBM, but seldom leaving my room or my home. It's just not an option. Walking is to difficult, even with a cane. My legs don't work, they don't do what my brain tells them to do. The bend in bad ways. The muscles tear, and I just throw myself on the floor in tears from how much it hurts. I realize there is nobody to help me up, there is nobody to help me clean the mess I made if I was carrying something. So the only thing that keeps me going is that I don't want to live in a mess. So I get up, work through the pain, swear like a sailor, and then crash into my bed, regretting that I ever thought of leaving it.

Eventually I crank the A/C up, and then pretend it's winter. The cold makes it possible for me to walk, eventually. But the I get to cold and splash in the tub. Going from the frigid air of the house to the hot water of the bath helps. While I'm in it I feel almost normal. But as soon as I leave the soothing waters of the tub, the pain returns, and I'm back where I started.

Once I'm dressed, the dog has been out, the animals fed, I sit at my computer, where I stay for the rest of the day.

At least, until bedtime. Dilbert, Garfield, Most Haunted, and sometimes a chat buddy are my company. But that's a story for another day.

Gothic (1986)

May. 29th, 2009 at 2:27 AM

Gothic (1986)

http://www.amazon.com/Gothic-Gabriel-Byrne/dp/B00005V1WO/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091142/

Gabriel Byrne ... Byron
Julian Sands ... Shelley
Natasha Richardson ... Mary Shelley
Myriam Cyr ... Claire Clairmont
Timothy Spall ... Dr. Polidori

I first saw this movie, perhaps two years ago. For some reason, it's stayed with me.
It's not a great movie. I might even go so far to say it's not even a good movie. However it does have something. An intangibleness about it. Something that just sticks in your mind, and never leaves. Perhaps it's the imagery. Perhaps it's the somewhat shallow acting. I really don't know. But ....... it's late. Almost 3:00am. So, I thought I'd share with you a late night memory of mine. I realized it had been a while since I last posted. I didn't have anything better to write about.........So .......... if a picture is worth 1000 words, here are a few screen grabs from this film.

It's late, like I said. I guess I'm in a somewhat "gothic" mood tonight. It's been a bad few weeks. The pain is really getting out of hand. I haven't left my home in weeks. My fridge is near empty. And things just are really difficult right now. I just really wish I had some help. But non is coming. Life has always been difficult. But the last few weeks have just been 10 times worse than difficult. So ..... my gothic mood. I really don't want to get into it right now, maybe later. Suffice it to say, things are really hard right now.

If nothing else, I at least I've suggested a good movie to watch to whomever might read this.

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